Monthly Archives: January 2016

We’ll let you know …

A curious thing this, whenever they tell you in an audition how good you were, it’s more or less a solid guarantee that you didn’t get it.

Subtext is involved. In a screenplay it would look like this:

THE AUDITION

by

A. N. ACTOR

(c) 2016

INT. DAY. A LARGE REHEARSAL ROOM.

FADE IN:

At the far end there is a long table behind which sit, the DIRECTOR. He/she is accompanied by an ATTRACTIVE ASSISTANT, there are as many as three or four other IMPORTANT & PERCEPTIVE PEOPLE.

Off to one side sits the READER, this is an actor (just happy to be working) of either gender who reads with YOU, the one auditioning.

We enter the scene a moment after YOU have uttered the final words of the material you’ve prepared. There is an indeterminate silence as the ROOM waits for the DIRECTOR’S verdict.

DIRECTOR
Fantastic! Thanks for coming in.

YOU
You’re welcome. (What am I gonna do? Stay home?)

DIRECTOR
Terrific work! (But you’re not the man).

YOU
(Self-effacingly) Really? (Should I linger and schmooze this guy?)

DIRECTOR
(With huge conviction) Outstanding! (Why doesn’t he leave?)

YOU stumble to the door, everyone in the room wears an encouraging (but distant) smile.

DIRECTOR
Really excellent work! (I thought he’d never go).

YOU
(Confused. The atmosphere in the ROOM indicates that YOUR presence is surplus) Er … Oh …

DIRECTOR
Have a great day. (Have a great life. We’ll never meet again).

YOU, walking backwards as if leaving a royal presence, collide with the door as YOU turn to exit and ANOTHER ASSISTANT enters with coffee for the DIRECTOR.

YOU
(With hand to BLOODY NOSE, as you cross the threshold out into the world) No, no, it’s nothing.

DIRECTOR
(To ATTRACTIVE ASSISTANT) Remind me to never compliment an actor. So needy!

General laughter from the ROOM.

CUT TO:

YOU walking down hallway hearing laughter.

YOU (V/O)
I should have gone to law school.

FADE TO:

The STORYBOARD image in YOUR head.

art